Stella Monye spoke with AYODELE LAWAL about her new album, Outburst, her relationship with the late Sonny Okosuns, life as a single parent and other issues
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Q: Why have you titled your latest effort “Outburst”.
A: “Outburst” is the combination of everything in the album. I looked at the lyrics in the tracks and I realised that every word in the album is an outburst. It is outburst all the way: outburst of love, of good music and outburst to God.
Q: Can we say your songs generally represent your experiences in life?
A: I would not say that because at the time I released Oko Mi Ye I was almost a teenager, I didn’t really have that kind of experience. I was never married, I did not have anything to do with oko (husband). But let me put it this way: it was more of my mother’s experience in her husband’s house than mine. I saw that my mother is a typical African woman who wanted nothing but to marry her husband and stay with him. But I remembered all her marital problems and I thought it would be nice for me to put her experience into my music. Though I did not have the experience then, the creative part of me had started working and I was able to put the song together.
Q: Would you say her marital problems influenced you, probably to have a baby in your teens?
A: No, no, no, that was just mistake of a teenage girl, it did not have anything to do with what my mother went through in her husband’s house. I now advise parents to give their teenage girls comprehensive information about sex. If this is done some mistakes could be averted.
Q: Then, how did it happen?
A: I don’t think it is something I want to overflog, it has been overflogged in the media.
Q: What went on between you and the late Sonny Okosuns?
A: It is something I would not like to talk about because you don’t talk about the dead, just allow the dead to rest.
Q: But whether you like it or not, he was your husband.
A: How can you say that? I was never married to him.
Q: Does he have a place in your life?
A: All of them have: Fela, Osadebe, Sonny Okosuns, musicians of repute. They played original African music and if you ask whether they influenced me that way, yes. They played original music and I think the only way we can break into the world is to be original, and that is the only legacy they have left for us.
Q: As a woman of repute, you have never been married and you have two kids, what is your life experience?
A: There is no experience. Kids are from God, they come into this world for their own purpose and you just assist them to fulfil that purpose. They should not pose any problem to you. It is when you see them as problem that you begin to have bad experience. Just go naturally and support them when you can and put them through until they become men and women because you will not be with them forever. So, this unnecessary African sentiment that we attach to children is uncalled for, because when they grow up they become independent and go their own way.
Q: So you don’t believe in marriage?
A: Well, it is okay, it is one of those beautiful things God created. That notwithstanding, if I am married and have six children, I will still have same opinion about it. When God said go and multiply, He did not say go and attach them to your apron or chain them. He said we should just multiply so that there would be a lot of people living on Earth, doing so many different things. Have you asked yourself why you are a lawyer and probably your son is a musician or you are a lawyer and your son is a banker? They have their own life, their own destiny. So, I don’t believe that there is anything special about us having children. Sometimes you get help from people you don’t know and your children are stubborn, even they don’t have your attention. So, what are we talking about?
Q: Do you have any regret not getting married?
A: Well, you don’t live your life having regrets. When you begin to do that, then you are not moving forward. I believe in moving forward. There are many challenges for you to face in the world, so spend time contributing to the society than thinking of why I did not get married.
Q: Why are top female singers unmarried or single parents?
A: I think one of the problems that female musicians have is that men spend most of their time feeling insecure about them. Just one of the major problems, but I believe that female artists are just like female lawyers, female doctors, female anything. And at the end of the day musicians get to meet people as doctors get to meet patients and lawyers get to meet clients. I think it is the spirit of music that makes it look as if female musicians are different from all other human beings. It is the spirit of music and that is the spirit of stardom; they believe they are stars, they are attractive to people out there. But as a mature mind, no matter the profession you find yourself in, you must be able to have control over your life, able to know what you want.That 20 people want you does not mean you will want the 20 people; maybe you will want one out of them. So, it is left for you to consolidate on that, but sometimes, it doesn’t work.
Q: Musically, what have you gained and what have you lost?
A: I have gained something and I have lost something. Life is a balance, there are bad times and good times, sad times and happy times. There must be a balance, you cannot have it rosy all the time, you cannot smile everyday. There would be a day that someone will say something to you and you will turn back and feel sad and say: Oh! God, why did this person say this to me?
Q: Have you ever been a victim of sexual harassment in the music industry ?
A: I don’t even believe in sexual harassment because it is everywhere, even as a lawyer, a married woman…
Q: Then how do you cope as a single parent, living alone?
A: Well, you get chased and the one you like, you say let us get it moving on and the one you don’t like you turn them down. So, you don’t have to put yourself in an open market because you are single, you have to be disciplined.
Q: Then how do you feel as a single parent, when you have the feeling?
A: About what? I don’t understand, or do you mean when I am feeling sexy?
Q: Yeah.
A: Those times you go on assignments, probably Maiduguri or London and you feel like having sex, what do you do?
Q: You know, I am married, I will wait and have it later at home.
A: I will get it later too. (Laughs)
Q: Why did you stop the Save Ibrahim campaign. Is he okay now?
A: I have always said that one day, I will be in a position to talk about the Ibrahim stuff. This is because, sometimes when something has happened to you that is a source of pain, you don’t want to revisit it because it aggravates the pain. That people can wake up and use someone else’s pain to make money without conscience, I think it is very bad. I know a lot of people who made money from Ibrahim’s campaign but I leave them to God. I had to stop the campaign because some of the money was not reaching us, people were just collecting money all over the place and not giving it to us. Some people logged on to the Internet and started making money. But I am not bothered because I know God will fight for me.
Q: So, what is the state of the boy now?
A: He was operated upon several times by several doctors and sometimes, when an operation is done to correct something and it is not corrected, you have to go back again. That is how we had many operations and like I told you, it is a period of my life that I don’t want to revisit. It sometimes pains me when I remember the incident, the role people played and everything about it.
Q: Do you wish to put that in a book later?
A: Yes, very sure.
Q: And what lessons have you learnt from those things, your ups and downs?
A: It is nice. Experience, they say, is the best teacher. When something happens to you, it reframes you and you become a better person for it. Once bitten, twice shy. When you have experience, it helps you to be in a vantage position to advise other people: don’t go that way, I tried it and it does not work. So, it has been a very nice experience for me.
Q: So, how is the boy now?
A: He is a big boy.
Q: What is his state of health currently?
A: He is okay, the tragic part is over, he is on his feet, he is growing everyday, he is a man. He goes around to do what he wants to do. His life has continued, it hasn’t stopped.
Q: Why did you have to go back to the studio to work on the album?
A: As an artist, sometimes you don’t get satisfaction. If you are thoroughly a creative person, you will never be satisfied with something you have done, you will always go back and say, I would have played this guitar like this or any how. The funniest part is that an average man outside there does not know how a guitar should sound but from your own creative end, you will have that zeal to satisfy your fans, to give them the best. If you have to do that, you have to spend a lot of time in the studio.
Q: How much have you received as royalty from your past works?
A: I have never received a kobo from anybody. From the first album to the last one, I have never received anything from anyone, living or dead. The last time I went to my former recording company I was told that they could not find the books. That was the story.
Q: So, how do you cope?
A: That’s what I am saying. In that aspect, I am lucky.
Q: Are you planning to get married soon?
A: To who?
Q: Don’t you have toasters?
A: I do have toasters. It’s not for me to plan to marry, it is for the men to come forward and say: Today, I am going to marry you.
Q: Are you saying that Nigerian men are not bold enough?
A: Well, I am not saying that. In fact, Nigerian men are the best in the world. If you ask me, I will say so. I can say that anytime, anywhere, Nigerian men are the best, they are good looking, they are somehow sincere and it is only Nigerian men you get married to and never want your marriage to break.
Q: Are they romantic?
A: Some of them who have the time. The society does not permit that, too. All the time they are hustling, they are outside, they are moving, they have to look for something to make the home survive. So, because they are always out there, sometimes there is no space for romance. But they still try.
Q: Is the average Nigerian man romantic?
A: On the average, he is.
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