Women In Agony

 By Babajide Kolade-Otitoju

On 29 January, 2009, 45,000 divorced women came together in Kano under the auspices Voice of Widows, Orphans and Divorcees Association of Nigeria. They had a grand plan to stage a one-million man march against increasing spate of divorce in the state. However, the police and other security agencies, including the State Security Services, SSS received a series of petitions from elders and religious leaders in the state who expressed the fear that the protest may snowball into a big crisis if allowed to take place.Hajiya Altine Abdullahi, Chief Executive Officer of the non-governmental organisation, was pressured by the Police, SSS and Hisbah, the state agency responsible for Shariah implementation, to drop the idea. She did, but the group had drawn attention to one of the biggest social problems confronting the core North today.

 Now, the Kano State Government is worried about the divorce epidemic in Kano State which the government thinks, if not redressed, could destroy the marriage institution in the state. Before Governor Ibrahim Shekarau set up a committee led by Aliyu Umaru, Commissioner for Justice, Hajiya Abdullahi had led a delegation to the state House of Assembly to press for a special legislation to discourage men from divorcing their wives. Abdullahi claimed most women registered by her NGO were evicted from their matrimonial homes for frivolous reasons. She mentioned the case of a woman carrying a six-month pregnancy, who was thrown out by her husband for eating a loaf of bread meant for his breakfast.Florence Balewa, a divorcee who runs Fortress, an NGO for women, said divorce is such a big problem in Kano and other major northern cities. She urged the Kano State Government to enforce the Islamic regulation on divorce, arguing that if a man knows that he can easily divorce a woman and remarry, he would not think twice before divorcing his wife.

But why is divorce so rampant in northern Nigeria? TheNEWS investigations showed that many of the women affected are illiterate and so are not even aware of their rights. Besides, some couples are too young and unprepared for marriage and walk out of marriage as soon as they get into it. Politicians are also blamed for the scary divorce rate. It is believed that once some of them achieve electoral victory, they marry young women, who they think befit their new status. But as soon as they are out of office, they find a flimsy excuse to divorce such women. The situation is so bad that in some large families in Kano there are up to 10 divorced women. In some cases mothers and their daughters are affected.

Ishaq Alhassan Quaranmata, a Sociology lecturer at the Kaduna Polytechnic, blames moral corruption for rising divorce cases in the North. “There is so much infidelity and the menfolk are unlikely to ignore that. The man can go ahead and be as rascally as he could be, it is viewed as the nature of society. But once a woman is caught in an unfaithful affair, it leads automatically to divorce,” he said. He argued that God hates divorce. “Islam does not say if you have money, you should just go and marry more than one wife. There is a verse in the Holy Qur’an that says if you can take care of two wives you can marry them, but the same verse says if you fear that you may not be fair to them, you must marry one. People take the issue of marriage for granted, it is not when you feel you have money, and you marry a wife and divorce her when you feel like because Islam allows you to marry more than one wife,” Quaranmata argued, saying there are many wrong things that people do in the name of religion.

He said that though divorce is a problem in the North, it is not rampant in all parts of the North. In places like Sokoto and Kano, he said, early marriage is prevalent, with girls aged eight or nine given out in. In the past, an eight-year old girl could be married to a man above 40, who was expected to avoid sex with her until puberty. That, however, has changed. People still give out their daughters in marriage at an early age. At that age, sex predisposes her to Vesico Vaginal Fistula, VVF, a condition that has caused many men to chuck their wives. “So, why do what will force you to divorce a wife you married,” he asked rhetorically.

One of the biggest problems of Northern women arises from VVF. Women who suffer from this disease are subjected to serious pains by members of their families, who leave them to their fate.

Hajiya Laila Dogonyaro, former President of the National Council of Women Societies, NCWS, described the disease as difficult to treat because the nerves are dead. Alluding to the fact that VVF is a big factor in the rise in divorce cases, she added: “You know of course that very few men in this world live with a VVF patient.”

Most vulnerable to the disease are teenagers in early marriages. Hundreds of VVF patients are lying helpless in various hospitals in the North. According to statistics, over 200,000 women in the North suffer from VVF.

A medical expert at Kano’s Murtala Muhammed Specialist Hospital revealed that weekly, the hospital receives over 30 VVF patients and the number of patients continue to increase geometrically. He noted that early marriage leads to early pregnancy in underaged girls, who have difficulties in delivery because of narrow pelvis. As a result, the babies get stuck in the birth canal and die. The baby’s head creates a hole between the birth canal and the bladder or rectum. When the dead baby is eventually delivered, the girl is left with a dead child and also suffers urinal and faecal incontinence. Consequently, they develop smelly skin sores.

Writing on the scourge of VVF in Northern Nigeria, Amina Sambo, Executive Director, Grassroots Health Organisation of Nigeria, GHON, noted that it has been estimated that 75,000 women die as a result of pregnancy, childbirth and pueperium in Nigeria yearly. And for each maternal death, 15- 20 women suffer from various disabilities, associated with traditional delivery practices. Obstetric fistula is a rising public health problem, with an estimated 200,000 patients Nigeria.

She further pointed out that the statistics in Northern Nigeria is even higher than the national average, as a result restrictions leading to poor accessibility to health services. High maternal mortality and morbidity have been associated with these factors along with harmful traditional practices and other socio-cultural practices related to pregnancy and childbirth in Northern Nigeria. VVF is an abnormal opening of the vaginal wall to the bladder or rectum or both resulting in the leakage of urine VVF or faeces RVF or both. According to Sambo, the cause of VVF and RVF are numerous.

These include obstructed labour, accidental injury during operations, traditional surgical procedures, bio-social and cultural factors along with geographical factors, such as lack of accessibility to emergency obstetric services.VVF is the result of various factors that include deficiency in medical services and facilities and other indirect factors that are a result of sociocultural practice. Another factor in the extent of variations is the difference in the rates at which change in cultural practices is occurring.

Mrs Sambo added that the issue of early marriage and the resultant early age at first birth, is also the result of a culture which encourages women to start childbirth early and to have children all through their childbearing years. For this reason, even when the early pregnancy does not result in VVF, the subsequent ones do as a result of the cumulative effects of childbirth on the reproductive system of the woman.

There is evidence that most underage girls given out in marriages are never happy with the idea. In fact, most have vehemently resisted it, yet, they are often subjected to the practice.

In the 1980s, an Hausa trader reportedly borrowed some money from his friend. After several efforts, he was unable to pay back. Following threats from his lender friend, the trader gave out his underage daughter in marriage to the lender. Even though the young girl could not resist her father’s move, she was not satisfied with it.

A day after she was given out as payment for her father’s debt, she ran back home because the man had sex with her. But the lender would not relent. He went back for her. She kept running back home. When the lender realised his young bride would continue to run back home every morning, he went to the father’s house, picked up the girl and cut off her feet.

His decision to cut off her feet was meant to permanently stop her from leaving the matrimonial home. He reasoned that without her feet, she would no longer be able to run back home. So it is clear that many underage Hausa girls are given out in marriages for certain reasons. Whatever the reason, however, most of them fall victims of maternal mortality and VVF, which is why many NGOs continue to scoff at the idea.

But is it right for a man to divorce his wife so cheaply as it now happens in the north? Sheikh Ibrahim Mu’azzan Mai Bishira, Commander-General of Kano State’s Sharia implementation outfit, Hisbah, argues that Islam allows divorce, but not until certain steps are taken. One of these is the exploration of all avenues of reconciliation. First, the husband and the wife are expected to sit down together and discuss the issue no matter how serious. When they could not see reasons, both parties would invite their relations for dialogue. And if that fails, the husband may decide to give his wife a break. Both parties are expected to live under the same roof for about three months, but without copulation. If they still do not get along, the husband may now decide to formally separate from the wife. He added that before a man divorces his wife, he must consider Islamic injunctions and must not for any reason, allow his mind be at variance with God’s instruction. More so, he noted that the man must be careful, so as to avoid the wrath of Allah by divorcing a pregnant or sick woman without a remedy for her conditions. If a woman is pregnant or sick during the time of divorce, she must stay in her husband’s house until she is well and strong. There are also certain conditions the man should meet financially.

The dark-complexioned Islamic scholar, however, noted that it is better for husbands and wives to resolve their differences amicably than to opt for divorce. “Muslims should learn from the holy book. Without deep knowledge of Islam, one cannot know the enormity or gravity of the offence he commits when he divorces his wife. It is through knowledge that one will come to realise the fear of God is the essence of living on this planet. The fear of God always serves as a bridle that prevents Muslims from committing sins. I advice that people look out for suitable partners in terms of social, economic and religious backgrounds. Forced marriages should be avoided and discouraged as much as possible. I also advice that stakeholders such as elders at the family level as well as government agencies should always act as arbiters in marriage crises, rather than allowing wives and husbands to decide on their own. Finally, the couples should respect one another,” he advised.

Kano, like other predominantly Muslim societies, is patriarchal in nature. All forms, it is a man’s world. A man in Kano can easily send his wife packing by merely writing on a piece of paper. Women rarely institute divorce against their husbands.

According to the Director-General of Kano State’s Hisbah Board, Dr. Sa’idu Dukawa, women continue to be oppressed in the north by men using the weapon of divorce. The woman can not divorce herself. She can not write a certificate in the name of divorce and move out of her husband’s house. But lately he said, a woman may institute a divorce through the court, but in the north, he said, this is very rare. ‘‘However, the bottomline is that in Islam, a woman can not wake up and tell the man, ‘I am divorcing you’ just like that,’’ he noted.

Malam Hadi, a Sociology lecturer at the Kano State College of Arts, Science and Remedial Studies, who conducted a research on divorce among Hausa/Fulani communities, told Sunday Trust that government must pay serious attention to the problem, which he described as the main social problem in the North, especially as divorcees associations are increasing by the day.

In the opinion of the Director-General of the Societal Re-Orientation Directorate, Malam Bala Mohammed, poverty is at the root of rampant divorce in the North as, according to him, many men could not shoulder the responsibility of taking care of their families. This, he said, pushes women out their matrimonial homes, as they have been compelled by the negligence of their husbands to shoulder their responsibilities. Mohammed argued that the high rate of divorce in Hausa/Fulani communities could also be blamed on cheap cost of marriages. He explained that the Qu’ranic advice that marital expenses be reduced so that the marriage would be blessed has been abused by Hausa men. Hausa men, he complained, tell their wives that they can easily divorce them and with N5,000, get another woman. “If we consider the Kanuris, the Nupes and Ebiras, they are all Muslims, but they don’t have this problem. But if we take Kano, Sokoto, Katsina and all Hausa societies, we shall see that the menace has become endemic in these societies,” Mohammed lamented.

He called on the courts to help reduce the problems faced by divorced women in the North by compelling a man who is divorcing his wife to pay whatever is due to her and her children. This, he said, is most often not the case.

Kano State Commissioner for Women Affairs, Hajiya Maimuna Kabir Khaleel, blames broken homes for the social ills in the society and agrees with Mohammed that divorce is being abused in Kano. “It has become like changing a gown. Laws laid down by the Holy Qu’ran have been abused. Research is currently going on to dig out the main causes of this menace and the way forward. All stakeholders will be involved in addressing the issue,” she promised.

Hausa/Fulani women told this magazine in Kaduna and Kano that men are guilty of refusing to shoulder their responsibilities. Husbands who cannot fully bear the burden of the family find it difficult to control their wives, they said. Both men and women, it was discovered, now marry out of material considerations and not love or affection. An Islamic scholar, Sheikh Salisu Gumel, opined that the rising cases of divorce is an indication that the society is failing in its adherence to the tenets of religious teachings. Islam, he said, teaches all aspects of marriage from courtship to the wedding and how to live as a couple. He regretted that today, everything is shrouded in falsehood, worldly considerations and materialism. Sheikh Gumel said the only solution is to return to God and live according to Sunnah (teachings and practices of prophet Muhammed).

Sheikh Gumel may be right that divorce rate will go down in northern Nigeria if people will read the holy book and refer to the teachings of Prophet Mohammed. Surah 2:224-237 provides guidelines on divorce. Prophet Muhammed affirmed in the holy book that the believers who show the most perfect faith are those who are best to their wives. He also said Allah dislikes and hates the man who regularly changes his wives and the women who regularly change husbands. Such people, said the Prophet, are enemies of Allah. If one of the partners is jeopardising the marriage, the other partner is advised to do everything possible to save the marriage.

But being easily divorced is not the only problem confronting Northern women. For those of them who are educated, the problem is greater. It seems that some wealthy Northerners are the problem of their daughters. There is a billionaire from North Western Nigeria, who has given his daughters the best education in Lebanon, Switzerland, Egypt and America. Some of the women have three or four second degrees in various disciplines. But as soon as they return home to Nigeria, they are given out in marriage to either cousins they barely know or to children of their father’s business partners or political friends. And because circumstances robbed them of the chance to know their spouses well, the marriages never last.

The women are forced to return to their father’s house, where they have lived in reclusion. They are also denied close affinity with family members. Denied freedom, frustration sets in for many of these women. Yet it is not easy to revolt.

Aisha (not real name) is the daughter of a Kano-born billionaire, who was in her third marriage. Her latest husband got a job with a federal parastatal in Lagos, but the marriage soon collapsed. Aisha elected to remain in Lagos after the break-up and got a job. When information got to her father that she had secured a job and opted to remain in Lagos, he demanded that she stopped working and return to his home, where there are women like her who are also products of failed marriages.

Initially, she declined, insisting on moving on with her life. Aisha’s father threatened to disown her and stop paying the school fees of her two kids from two previously failed marriages. She became distraught and even contemplated suicide. But she soon yielded to pressure and returned to her dad’s home, “repentant”.

In the home of Aisha’s dad, there are about 10 of her sisters, some twice divorced. They are not allowed to work, so the women and their kids are dependent on handouts from Aisha’s father, who tries to make them happy by taking them on holy pilgrimage to Mecca every year or on holidays in either Europe or America. Without access to friends that their father believes might “mislead” them, their sense of bondage is palpable.

Part of the frustration is that their father continues to marry young women, some young enough to be Aisha’s daughter. And because they live under the same roof as the young wife, the father demands respect for his wife.

It may sound strange that people will send their children to some of the best schools abroad, but would not allow them to take up jobs upon their return home. But Hajiya Dogonyaro offers an explanation. “Simply because a woman is educated does not mean she must work. There are certain issues in life that people must understand. Every religion preaches that it is the responsibility of parents to give their children good upbringing. Some even get pressure from mothers like me. Why must you work when you have little kids. Some, their husbands will say ‘look, how much will you get as salary? So don’t work’,” she said.

In the opinion of Dogonyaro, even if a woman will work, it has to be after she has raised her kids. “If a mother is working or doing business and the father is not there, the children are left at the mercy of nannies. Those nannies have no obligation towards moulding characters of these children. In most cases, they are doing a job most of them don’t want to do,” she explained.

According to Quaranmata, Islam frowns at women mixing with men. “There are situations and areas where women are allowed to work, but such places of work must not bring them into constant contact with the male folk, which is not what we have on ground today… Wherever your wife works, she is going to come in contact with men. So, if you have a man that feels that he’s comfortable and capable of providing all the needs of the family, no matter the level of education of his wife, he may not allow her to work,” he explained.

Quaranmata added that moral corruption is making it difficult for people to subscribe to the idea of allowing their wives to work, even when such women have bagged all kinds of degrees.

“The white man’s culture encourages individualism, so the wife is free to work. It is not the same in our culture. The idea of shifting a man’s responsibility to a woman is alien to us here. You will discover that even when the woman works, you would hardly get the contribution that you get in Western societies here. She will work, earn her salary, spend it on jewelry and then still come to ask the man for money. So if you have money, why allow her to work?” Quaranmata asked.

One thing is certain: Many Hausa/Fulani men think they are perfectly right to stop their wives from working. They think, according to Islamic law, husbands should be responsible for feeding, clothing and accommodating their wives and children. Many of those spoken to in Sokoto and Kaduna said their wives need not work because it is their (men’s) responsibility to take care of women’s needs. Even some of the Western-educated women spoken to in the two cities do not think they should work. However, those women who think it is not right to stop a housewife from working refer to the teachings of Usman Dan Fodio, the 19th Century Jihadist, who encouraged his daughter, Nana Asma’u, to get quality education and then use her education in service to the community.

One person who is worried about how early and arranged marriages have led to the rise in divorce rates is Alhaji Nasir Ado Bayero, District Head of Nassarawa in Kano State. Nasir, who is the son of the reigning Emir of Kano, Alhaji Ado Bayero, stressed that God hates divorce and will only consent to it. “If it is the only way out.”

“There are problems of forced marriages. I think this is one issue that needs to be addressed. If you arrange a marriage for two adults that are not compatible, there is every tendency that it will collapse. It is practically impossible to arrange such marriages, particularly for adults. Absolutely, I will never see a girl I don’t know and say she is my wife. I will never do that. I must know who I want to marry because marriage, for me, is a lifetime affair,” he opined.

He argued that if people will follow Islamic injunction on divorce, it will not be rampant as it currently is. The District Head said though Islam forbids the divorce of pregnant women, it continues to happen. “The idea of waking up one day and preparing a letter of divorce for the slightest provocation is totally unacceptable. Women are not like cars you pick, drop and pick another tomorrow… Marriage is a union that ought to be cherished. It is a system that brings a man and woman together for a lifetime,” he said. Nasiru disclosed that he has been a District Head for over a decade and has handled hundreds of marital conflicts and has never allowed any one to lead to divorce.

“I try my best to resolve them and for those too big for me to handle, I refer them to the Emir’s palace and they are amicably resolved. I have never in my life encouraged, supervised or gotten involved in separation of marriages,” the traditional ruler emphasised.

But how can the northern woman get over the problems that appear to put her in some form of bondage. The consensus is that the northern woman needs greater education and awareness of her rights. Quaranmeta told TheNEWS that there is a great disconnect between “religious teachers and the reality on ground.” He said those who have combination of western and religious education hardly command respect as others in a typical Hausa society. He expressed the hope that things will change as the Hausa/Fulani woman acquires greater education and begins to understand their rights.

Hajia Dogonyaro agrees with Quaranmata. In fact, she thinks that things are already changing. She said in the past a man could wake up at 1am and send her wife out with her 10-day old child, but stressed that things are changing. “Today our women have read and understood the Qur’an. They understand their rights in marriage. So, if a man orders her out of the house in the name of Seki dayaui (first divorce), the woman can now tell him ‘yes, you have divorced me, but I have the right to stay in your house for three months. If he says, give me my child, she could say ‘I am going with him, the custody is mine until he is seven years old.’ Our people are more enlightened on these issues than before. The man my daughter brought home is the one she married; unlike before when a father would say this is the person I want my daughter to marry,” she explained.

She credits the northern woman with a very strong character hidden in her subservient nature. She recalled that some years, back they fought for the education of the girl-child in the North, but admitted that things have improved in that area to the extent that more and more northern women are serving in top capacities in government and are even doing better than the men.

With the government’s increasing interest in tackling the problems arising from divorce, and the rise of many gender-based non-governmental organisations, it is hoped that things will indeed change. Indeed, the attendant frustration arising from divorce means that more and more young women are taking to drugs.

Usman Dan Fodio, treated the ill-treatment of women in one of his writings.

“Most of our educated men leave their wives, their daughters and female relatives… to vegetate, like beasts, without teaching them what Allah prescribes they should be taught and without instructing them in the articles of Law which concerns them… The men treat their women like household utensils, which break after long use and then tossed on the dung heap. This is a loathsome crime. How can they allow their wives, daughters and female dependants to remain prisoners of ignorance, while they themselves share their knowledge with students every day? In truth, they are acting out of self-interest… Muslim women, do not listen to the speeches of those who are misguided, who sow the seeds of fallacy in the hearts of others. They deceive you when they preach obedience to your husbands, without telling you of the obedience, which is primarily due to Allah and His Prophet. They seek only their own satisfaction, and that is why they impose tasks upon you, which the law of Allah and His prophet never intended for you alone. These are the preparation of food, the washing of clothes and other duties they impose upon you, while at the same time they neglect to teach you what Allah and His Prophet have in truth prescribed for you,” wrote the jihadist.

Without a doubt, northern women are not inferior to their southern counterparts in educational attainments. Many Northern women have served in top managerial positions in public corporations and even in the private sector.

For most well educated women married to northern men, such opportunities are rare as most of them become full time housewives, denied the chance to show their skillls in paid jobs. Even though this practice is often premised on their cultural and religious beliefs, it is thought that denying these women opportunity to contribute to national development does not augur well. For this reason, many who spoke to TheNEWS would want the practice reviewed in the national interest. While Northern women deserve as much opportunities as their Southern counterparts, their chances of getting such depend on their men shifting a bit. But will they?

 – Additional reports by Madu Mmeribeh (Kano) and Femi Adi (Kaduna).

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